The Dark Awakening of My Toxic Masculinity and Its Consequences

A Shift in Perspective: Unlearning and Rebuilding My Views on Relationships

In the first part of my story, I shared my thoughts on how relationships should be. I explained my vision for their ideal form. However, this part of my journey focuses on my realization. I discovered that everything I believed about relationships was completely wrong. In fact, it was backwards. Consequently, I spent years grappling with this truth. Eventually, I recognized that my teachings and beliefs were flawed. Ultimately, they harmed my happiness and sense of self.

Growing up, I found myself torn between two very different worlds. On one side, I was told to be the toughest guy; in fact, I was encouraged to show no weakness. Consequently, I needed to dominate every competition and prove myself in the eyes of the world. This came naturally to me—my competitive spirit thrived, and I loved winning. However, on the other side, I felt a powerful urge to serve. This feeling was particularly strong when it came to the women in my life. If a girl asked me to do something—anything—I would do it, without questions asked. It felt right. Moreover, I genuinely loved doing things for women, simply to see them smile and make them happy. It wasn’t just about being helpful; rather, it was about wanting to serve their every need and want.

The Price of Pride: Struggling with Toxic Masculinity and Peer Judgment

In those moments, I felt my purpose. But there was a dark side to all of this: pride. Pride in my masculinity, my toughness, my “manhood.” As I grew older, something shifted. I began to notice a difference in my actions. I would do anything for a girl. Yet, I wouldn’t do a thing for a guy. My competitive nature and pride wouldn’t allow it. And that’s when the teasing started. The other guys saw me as weak. Boys thought I was too willing to serve women. They also viewed me as too soft. The boy called me names, made fun of me, and laughed behind my back.

The Struggle Between Authenticity and Societal Expectations

That’s when the internal conflict really kicked in. I couldn’t let the guys see me as weak, and consequently, my toxic masculinity took over. As a result, I started refusing to do things for the girls. I tried to assert myself by mocking them. I laughed at their requests and attempted to show the guys that I didn’t care. Ultimately, I wanted to prove that I could be tough and that I fit in with the crowd. However, deep down, I knew something wasn’t right. I realized that my actions contradicted my true nature. They went against my instincts as a man who genuinely wanted to serve women.

This internal split—between who I truly was and the false bravado I adopted to fit in—tore me apart. It left me confused and conflicted for years. I tried to suppress my natural instinct to serve, and in doing so, I hurt myself—mentally, physically, and spiritually. For the next decade, I struggled with this forced identity. I tried to live up to an ideal that wasn’t even my own. And the worst part? I was doing it for people I don’t even know anymore. These were people who also wanted to serve the women in their lives in their own way. Yet, they chose to put on a tough facade to avoid looking weak in front of others. It was a vicious cycle.

Breaking the Chains of Toxic Masculinity: The Power of Service Over Dominance

I wasn’t the only one caught in this trap of toxic masculinity. Society teaches boys that being tough and in charge is their birthright. It says that showing any form of vulnerability is a sign of weakness. We’re told that real men don’t serve—they dominate. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. There is an inherent beauty and strength in service, especially when it comes to women. This contradiction between the natural instinct to care for and serve the people around us is profound. Societal pressure to constantly show dominance has been a blight on our society for too long. It holds us back, makes us miserable, and robs us of the joy that comes from living authentically.

Breaking Free from the Myth of Power in Relationships

Looking back, I see just how much I’ve struggled to make sense of all of this. But now, I know better. I know that relationships, at their core, are not about power or competition. They’re about connection, about service, and about love. Real strength is not found in dominance or control. It is found in humility. It lies in our ability to serve those we care about.

If my story can help even one person, I will consider it a victory. Avoiding the confusion and pain I experienced is my goal. If I can save someone from years of searching for something nonexistent, I will consider it a success. The truth is simple. Relationships should be about supporting each other. They should not be about who’s tougher or who has the upper hand. Our instincts to care for and serve one another are what make us truly strong.

Let’s break free from the cycle. It is important to embrace the truth: service, love, and care are the true foundations of meaningful relationships. The sooner we realize that, the sooner we can start building relationships that bring us true happiness.

Part One of My Journey

https://hisdevotion.com/the-strength-in-humility-a-journey-from-toughness-to-connection/Read the first part of my journey here.